NEWS
Within Reach Campaign | February 14, 2018
Rejecting Rape Stigma
An Interview with WCA Champion,
Mike Kelly
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Mike arrived in Omaha fresh out of college and has worked at the
Omaha World-Herald for over 47 years. He writes a storytelling column covering
all aspects of the community and has written a book, “Uniquely Omaha.”
His columns on daughter Bridget’s decision to speak out on behalf of survivors of sexual violence were honored by the American Society of Newspaper Editors with its national award for columns and commentary. Mike and his wife, Barb, have four children and 10 grandchildren.
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WHY DOES THIS TOPIC MATTER TO YOU? WHY ARE YOU A CHAMPION OF THE WCA?
I learned about the WCA many years ago when it was still the YWCA. Over the years when writing a column, I would occasionally call the WCA for expert information. But in 2002, it became personal when my 24-year-old daughter Bridget survived her own execution. A man broke into her Texas apartment, pointed a gun at her, drove her to a field, raped her and shot her three times at close range. She played dead, and when he drove away, she rose up—she says she felt lifted up by God—and made it 200 yards to a house. A wonderful man opened his door to her and called 911. She was taken to a hospital, where doctors performed six hours of life-saving surgery.
YOU WERE THE FIRST FAMILY MEMBER TO ARRIVE AT THE HOSPITAL?
Yes, my publisher immediately put me on a private plane to Texas, accompanied by a colleague. Bridget had just come out of surgery and she couldn’t speak because of breathing tubes. But she was writing notes, telling me how she’d been thinking of her family, that she didn’t want to die.
A few days later, I was telling her about the news coverage. In Texas, the media said, “A 24-year-old schoolteacher was raped.” She was unnamed. In Omaha, they said, “Bridget Kelly, local gal, was abducted, shot, and in critical condition.” There is a longtime journalistic tradition of showing compassion for the victim, which is why her name wasn’t linked with the rape. But I also mentioned to her that some people felt there was a stigma on the victim. Bridget wrote in my reporter’s notebook, “Why is it more shameful to be a rape victim than to be a gunshot victim?” Editors soon allowed us to tell her story, all of it, in the Omaha World-Herald.
I wrote a column headlined, “A Plea for More Openness on Rape.” A tsunami of responses from survivors came in, thanking us for speaking out. That was 16 years ago and it was not so common to speak about sexual assault back then. I heard horrendous stories about how women were treated after being assaulted: They didn’t get sympathy, there were no advocates, law enforcement often was not good to them, and sometimes even their own families treated them badly. One woman, who is Catholic like we are, said that after she was raped, her father made her go to confession.
HOW HAS THIS EXPERIENCE CHANGED YOU?
I had written about sexual assault before and knew statistics. But the reaction to Bridget’s attack made me realize sexual assault is all around us.
THIS OBVIOUSLY AFFECTED BRIDGET GREATLY—AND ALSO YOUR WHOLE FAMILY.
Every case of domestic violence and sexual assault affects families, not just the survivor. In our case, it had a tremendous impact on everyone, including the extended family. But if there’s a theme for my part of this, it is hope. Bridget showed that in the aftermath of something horrible, life can be good again.
Do you get over it? No. You don’t forget it. Bridget would say you get through it, you live with it. And there’s life on the other side. You laugh again. There are days when she doesn’t think about it at all. By the way, the person who did it got put away for good, a life sentence. Not every survivor has that consolation.
I’m very proud of Bridget not only for moving on with life—she is married and has two little boys—but also for speaking out and getting training to be an advocate. For several years she was a hospital emergency room advocate for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence.
SHE ALWAYS KNEW IT WAS NOT HER FAULT AND HAD NO SHAME. DO YOU THINK THAT HELPED HER HEALING PROCESS?
Yes, I have thought that maybe this is generational. I’m 69 now. My generation and older, maybe some carried more of the odd notion of shame. Questions like, “What did you wear?” were more common. But the younger generation, including Bridget’s, think that is totally nuts. If there is a stigma, it goes on the attacker. He is the one who should be shamed.
She was attacked by a stranger, which we know is less common. And Bridget herself has said that stranger rape is easier for everyone to understand, including survivors. When the attacker is a person known to the victim, though, it seems to be murkier and more confusing. There more often may be self-blame when she or he knows the abuser or rapist.
WHEN WE SAY THE WCA IS WITHIN REACH, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TO YOU?
It means that all the help that is available is accessible in every way. Not just physically at a beautiful new, roomier, better place, but also emotionally accessible, passionately accessible. Medically, legally, all those things are within reach of anyone who needs the help. And it’s all so welcoming. No stigmas attached.
Read the touching story that Mike wrote for the New York Times when Bridget married the man who produced a segment about Bridget’s story on ABC News’ 20/20.
