NEWS
Within Reach Campaign | February 21, 2018
Challenging Men to Stand Up and Speak Out
An Interview with WCA Champion,
Bobby Brumfield
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Bobby is the co-founder of MADVAC (Men Against Domestic Violence Action Coalition), which engages boys and men with awareness and prevention strategies to eliminate domestic violence. He is a former Marine and a former
Omaha Police Department officer. By day, he works in violence
prevention at a crisis management firm.
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FIRST OF ALL, CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT MADVAC?
MADVAC (Men Against Domestic Violence Action Coalition) is a group of volunteers who engage boys and men with awareness and prevention strategies to eliminate domestic violence.
HOW DID YOU GET INTO THIS WORK?
I used to be an officer with the Omaha Police Department. That was my first view of violence against women. Once I left law enforcement, my co-founder and I, Charlie Venditte (who is also a retired police officer who served on OPD’s domestic violence unit) formed this coalition of men against domestic violence.
AND HOW IS MADVAC ASSOCIATED WITH THE WCA?
When we started our coalition, we knew we needed support. The WCA took us under their wing and educated us on the broader problem. I started out teaching women’s self defense. I was coming from the viewpoint that women need to learn to defend themselves. When I started working with the WCA and going through their training I learned about power and control and how that’s behind all the different forms of domestic violence (financial, emotional, physical, sexual). I had no idea about this power and control thing–even though I was years and years and years on the police department. The WCA was instrumental in our training and we have been able to share the knowledge we gained with more men.
IN YOUR MIND, WHAT WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE FOR OUR COMMUNITY?
More men getting involved. The biggest impact on this issue will come when men take responsibility for it because the vast majority of offenders are men. We need to switch that stigma to the abuser rather than the abused.
DO YOU THINK BOYS AND YOUNG MEN KNOW WHAT CONSENT MEANS?
They absolutely don’t understand what consent is. They say, “Naw, that’s just how it is.” No, that’s not how it is. That’s what we’ve been told it is and nobody has checked us. I wish I could say it’s just among the young boys but I am 49 and I have friends who say, “Wow I never looked at it like that.” Issues of consent, emotional abuse, financial abuse—it never crossed their minds. It’s not like they’re intentionally abusers or intentionally trying to cause harm. Because when you explain power and control they get it. It clicks. Power and control, that’s the root of it all. The WCA can really articulate what power and control is. It’s important that we get that understanding to a larger group of men. Women know it inside and out. Men don’t know it.
WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK MEN NEED TO UNDERSTAND?
You don’t care about it because you have a mom, wife, sister, daughter. You do it out of human decency, to stop the violence and the killing. You have a responsibility because you have boys. I have a son and two grandboys. I didn’t talk with my son about it growing up. There was so much I didn’t know. We had the conversation that you never hit a girl. But having three girlfriends and playing them off each other? I never told him that was emotional abuse. I just thought, “He’s a young man he’s supposed to have a lot of girlfriends.” It didn’t cross my mind that my son or I was being abusive, because we didn’t know about power and control. But my grandboys are gonna get a ton of it. And my son and I talk about it now, we’re learning together.
GIMME YOUR MADVAC PLUG. HOW CAN MEN HELP?
We’re looking for men to be trainers and speakers, high school age and up. We’ll provide the training. It’s great for your resume and an opportunity to build your network while doing something positive. It’s just a great community service.
Also, be a mentor to boys. A lot of times mentors will play ball, read, go to the movies. But we’re not having that conversation about consent or healthy masculinity. Don’t stop what you’re doing, but add some teaching to the conversation. Go to a movie and after it say, “See how he treated her? What do you think about that?” If we got more men thinking and having conversations like these, the deaths and abuse would drop tremendously. Consent is a big area, too. Men are doing things they don’t know is an issue. At least talk to boys about consent.
WHEN WE SAY THE WCA IS WITHIN REACH, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TO YOU?
They are literally a phone call away, 24/7. I ask them to actually go above and beyond on a daily basis and they have always come through. I know victims are getting taken care of.
And in the workplace, too. Resources are already there for your company. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Just pick up the phone and the WCA will come out and do a class and do a presentation for you. Open up the door so victims in your company are more comfortable coming to Human Resources. We’ve been conditioned to look the other way. Look at what is happening with sexual harassment; it’s been going on for years and years but it just got swept under the rug. We can’t keep doing it. Connect with Sara and you’ll have someone at your office in a week who will teach you everything you need know.
